Malaysia sets new world record — Lim Teck Ghee

Malaysian authorities at a special press conference yesterday announced that they were submitting to the Guinness Book of World Records their claim for initiating the most number of seditious cases in the world on a per capita basis.

Published: February 20, 2015 12:18 PM

FEBRUARY 20 — Malaysian authorities at a special press conference yesterday announced that they were submitting to the Guinness Book of World Records their claim for initiating the most number of seditious cases in the world on a per capita basis.

The authorities also informed media representatives that, besides the per capita record, Malaysia was also going for the record for the most number of categories in which sedition charges could be levelled.

Although constitutional and legal constraints stood in the way of extending the latter record, the country’s leading legal official was confident that the country would be able to easily beat this record.

His confidence came from two sources. Firstly, the Prime Minister’s Department is adding 20,000 special officers to the present squad of “sedition busters”.

These officers will be recruited to work in universities, religious establishments and other prominent fertile breeding grounds for sedition.

He himself will also personally take part in a road show throughout the country to share the sordid details of how a new generation of seditionists is plotting to destroy the moral, religious and socio-political fabric of the country.

According to the national news agency, McJibby, surreptitiously and seditiously referred to by the opposition as McJibberish, the announcement has prompted an outburst of pride and patriotism from the Malaysian public.

The agency noted that one response which has gone viral has argued that the new categories of sedition such as “disloyalty to the ruling party”; “making fun of the Prime Minister and his associates”, “harbouring oppositional sentiments”, “subjecting the handbag to be an object of ridicule” would restore our esteemed standing in the Asean region.

Referring to a neighbouring country where the conventional charge of “insulting king and country” has figured prominently in the international media, the Tweeter chortled, “It’s sweet revenge for all the times you have beaten us in sepak takraw; Take that T……d”

All Round Congratulations

Among those congratulating our authorities was the former Prime Minister whose role in establishing the solid foundations of authoritarism in the country has been widely acknowledged.

“Bapa Sedition” typically though warned the country’s present leaders not to be over­complacent in this key issue.

“Number does not count; the important thing is results. Make sure that the charges stick”, he emphasised.

Support for the record setting achievement has also come from the private sector.

A spokesman from a prominent public relations firm has announced that the firm will be placing advertisements in the print media on the new record as soon as it is certified by the Guinness authorities.

A leading Malaysian IT company has also disclosed that it has been involved in a hush hush joint venture with 1MCB to invest in new technology aimed at retrieving and decoding handphone messages – currently a popular channel for seditious content.

“The market for this technology is enormous and Malaysia can be the game changer as well as role model for authoritarian governments all over the world”, the spokesman claimed.

The chairman of the Malaysian Chamber of Big Business (MCBB) has applauded the government’s achievement and termed it “painful but necessary”. It expected the the country’s GDP growth to shoot up once the record was verified.

It also noted that there was hundreds of billion ringgit sitting in bank accounts overseas waiting to come back to the country should the anti sedition drive succeed.

There have been two dissenting voices so far.

The pro­sedition NGO, PerKasar, said that the crackdown by authorities did not go far enough. It noted that “Human rights, liberty and justice” are dirty words imported from the West. The Federal Constitution is the most dangerous pro-sedition document.

“We have to throw it out and start our history all over again”.

Meanwhile, the religious columnist, R. Irwan Kopi, has criticized the move to apply to the Guinness authorities for the record achievement.

Noting that Guinness is associated with a sinful drink, he called instead for the incoporation of the record into the Government’s latest weapon of conformist behavior, the Syariah Index.

He has also proposed some new categories for behavior that can be categorized as “seditious”.

“What about clothing behavior? Display by women of their bodies is the most under­rated seditious activity in any wannabe Islamic country”.

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of Malay Mail Online.